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How powerful can male friendships be and do we need to rethink what being a mate is all about? Watch Insight’s episode Bromance, on
I’m the type of person that once I start something, I am completely invested in it.
When I started mountain biking in New Zealand, where I used to live, I quickly became obsessed.
What started off as a hobby soon turned into working in a mountain bike shop, managing it, becoming a track builder and travelling the world to build tracks.
Mountain biking was my life, my identity, my community.
It was what gave me purpose.
I loved the brotherhood I’d built through my passion, and I believed those friendships would last a lifetime.
But one day, everything changed.
The hardest decision I ever had to make
I had become a father for the first time, and I was ecstatic to be a dad.
When my daughter was nine months old, I was racing at an event and had a horrific crash. I was extremely close to breaking my neck and back.
I’d broken many bones over the years, but this time, it was different.
My wife and baby were there, and it was a huge wake-up call. I was lucky to walk away from that crash. In that moment, I knew that I had to choose my family over my obsession.
I guess I got scared of not being able to be the dad I wanted to be or to be able to provide for my family.
I could have just dialled it back.
But for me, I was either all in or not at all. So I decided to leave the sport that I loved so much and it was the hardest decision I’d ever made.
I didn’t expect people to come running after me, but I thought I would have had a bit more support.
This sent me into a deep depression. During this time, I quickly realised I’d also started to lose the connections with everyone I thought were my friends within the mountain biking scene.
Yes, I’d left, I didn’t expect people to come running after me, but I thought I would have had a bit more support.
Even though there were still conversations from time to time, via social media, I still felt very alone.
I tried to ease back into mountain biking, but it wasn’t the same. The passion and enthusiasm had gone.
But I knew I needed connection and knew I needed something new, so I joined a local kayaking group, and started making new friends again.
Through self-reflection I found peace
I kayaked for about four years but, in a twist of irony, I had to give it up due to old injuries from mountain biking. I retained a couple of friendships from the kayaking scene but was happy with knowing that those mates had served a purpose for me, and I had done the same for them.
I had now also found peace with what had happened after my injury, having time to self-reflect on the past. I had the realisation that nothing lasts forever.
Friendships are no exception to that, but it did teach me the importance of connection outside of bonding around a sport.
Now the next adventure was on the horizon, moving to Australia.
After Tim and his family moved to Australia, he joined a local dads community group. Source: Supplied
I decided to take a year off, and switched roles with my wife. I took the time to hang out with my youngest daughter before she headed off to school. Even though I loved being a stay-at-home dad, I was missing social connection.
A friend of mine put me onto a Facebook group called Dad’s Community.
Finding my community through being a dad
I joined the group and instantly felt like I belonged. The group was very active and it suited my needs.
Once I had started to join in on group activities it was very clear that even though everyone had different reasons for being there, we all had the one thing in common: we were all navigating a journey of not just what it means to be a father — but a good one.
Through my time in the group, I have now made solid connections and friendships.
Connections that are deeper than just having a sport in common, because the struggles and triumphs of being a dad are so complex.
Even though we all come from different walks of life and have different reasons for being there, our shared interest is being better fathers than we were the day before.
We share on a deeper level, we are all there for each other and there is no judgement towards anyone in the group — no matter what they are facing.
Community is very important to me and over the years I have learnt some valuable lessons surrounding friendships and connections, one of them being that in order to build deeper connections, you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable.
It is so important for our mental health and general well-being. Some friends are designed to serve a purpose, as are you with them, and it’s okay to move on or have people move on from you.
More information and support with mental health is available at and on 1300 22 4636 and at and on 1300 78 99 78.
And for more stories head to , hosted by Kumi Taguchi. From sex and relationships to health, wealth, and grief Insightful offers deeper dives into the lives and first-person stories of former guests from the acclaimed TV show, Insight.
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